Schoolgirls ‘disappoint’ with performance in A-level results

The United Kingdom’s ten million schoolgirls have disappointed sectors of society with their performance in this year’s A-level results, an academic standard in the country that decides on entry to university courses. Newspaper picture editors and broadcast crews were said to be ‘appalled’ that so few of the aspiring young ladies saw fit to bounce around in loose tops to celebrate their receipt of As and Bs, or to pose in suggestive hockey skirts.

‘It was a washout,’ remarked Steve P. McKnight, picture editor on the Daily Bastard. ‘Usually I can count on the secretly racy Oxbridge lot to give us a bit of flesh, but this year – nothing. It’s a ******* disgrace. I’m ashamed to call myself British.’

Meteorologists in the country have blamed the weather, which was said to be wet for the day, and may have deterred the females from disrobing in celebration.