OSCARS 2009: It begins, with a song-and-a-dance

The ceremony has begun! With the music of Bonanza and a set straight out of Tron. We open with a series of backslaps and an opening number from Hugh Jackman, who has put together ‘his own tribute’, which involves him mingling and singing to members of the audience in an incredible series of film linked song-and-dance numbers.

At one point, Anne Hathaway is scooped up onto the set to play Richard Nixon – it’s audience participation! Jackman unexpectedly perches on Frank Langella’s lap, says something about him being overweight, and gives the dancing his all. It could so easily be a disaster, but it’s amazing to watch. The man will be a physical wreck by the end if he keeps up this pace. (The standing ovation is fuel to his artistic fire.) It all brings a smile to the face of Angelina Jolie (very different to her appearance at the Baftas).

The neat conceit of this year’s award-giving is that five of the previous winners of an Oscar emerge to give tribute to each nominee, rather than having one person read them all. It works rather well – snappier and more flexible, while adding historical heft (and explains the relative absence of stars on the red carpet). Much more fun for the writers, too: ‘It’s not easy being a nun’, deadpans Whoopi Goldberg on Amy Adams’s role in Doubt. Penelope Cruz is the first victor, for Best Supporting Actress – there are tears and standing ovations everywhere, and look set to be a lot more.

As Slumdog Millionaire picks up an early Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay, is this a sign of things to come?

OSCARS 2009: Seacrest does irony

More Seacrest confusions, as when interviewing Mickey Rourke he remarks upon the ‘incredible irony’ of Rourke having lost his beloved dog and then being up for an Oscar for The Wrestler. Hmm?

Rourke himself seems completely on top of matters, Jean Paul-Gaultier having ‘done him a solid’ by putting together an offbeat version of a tuxedo for the star at the last minute.

On the list of stars not interviewed by Seacrest: Anne Hathaway, Sean Penn, Angelina Jolie (although there was a heroic last gasp chat with Brad Pitt, now offsetting that moustache with a neat beard).

OSCARS 2009: Ron Howard is ‘dolphinesque’

News Hour has always thought of Ron Howard as a thoroughly good egg. At the red carpet for the Baftas, he was one of the few big shots who was seriously friendly to Claudia Winkleman (Penelope Cruz just ran off). Now, Frost/Nixon’s Michael Sheen likens working with the former Happy Days star to ‘swimming with dolphins’. It’s an experience that’s ‘good for the soul’, apparently. Sound rather lovely…

When interviewing him, Seacrest attempts to darken the image: introducing him as a man who can ‘make or break careers’.

Will someone ask Howard if it will be ‘Happy Days’ if Frost/Nixon runs off with a gong? (Queue stern face, pretend phone call and backing away.) The stuff of interviewer’s nightmares…

OSCARS 2009: Seacrest and the language confusion

Ryan Seacrest neatly sidesteps another potential disaster (he once tried to high five a blind contestant on American Idol, but styled it out well) as he chats to the children from Slumdog Millionaire, hitting issues when it emerges that some of them can’t speak English. Uh-oh. When later chatting to Slumdog director Danny Boyle, Seacrest gleefully asks him how the ‘folks from the slum’ are doing on the red carpet. Hmm.

Dev Patel, meanwhile, is starstruck by John Legend (who Seacrest calls ‘my brother’), and Anil Kapoor delivers a fearsome hello to the Indian film industry, completely sideswiping Freida Pinto in the process (curiously, her and Patel refuse to deny that they’re in some kind of relationship).

Will Gary Busey return this year? His free-wheeling incident in 2008 was quite something. Mickey Rourke is smoking on the red carpet – this looks ominous. What in heaven is brewing in his fevered brain? Is he this year’s Gary Busey?

OSCARS 2009: Jackman prepares for ‘night of nights’

And so the red carpet coverage begins, with Sky’s plucky Fearne Cotton camped out next to E!’s Ryan Seacrest, a clutch of Union Jacks marking her spot. Seacrest is an incredible machine at these events – he lives and breathes the red carpet, handling celebrities with consummate ease. Backstopping him on the fashion front is Jay Manuel, clad in the most dazzling white tuxedo this correspondent has ever seen. (It’s all the more compelling for appearing to be a size too small. He also has an excellent grasp of colour, describing one dress as a ‘dark black’.)

Meanwhile, Hugh Jackman prepares for his big presenting role, and admits to a nerve-easing three drinks, ‘paced across the day’ (bear in mind that it’s late afternoon in the US at this point) to prepare himself for a ceremony he calls ‘the Tonies on steroids’. (Hugh hosted the Tonies, and is rumoured to be dancing with Zac Efron during the ceremony.) Apparently he’ll be giving a hand on heart signal to his wife in row six – the normal way he acknowledges her while ‘doing the work’.

Watch out for E!’s star tracker – it labels the celebrities around the screen on the wide shot and gives you a sense of the scale of the event. The queues of limos, the endless parade of interviewers all talking within earshot of each other, the hugely expensive dresses. Madness. Utter madness. But so fabulous…

‘Dear leader’ snubs Oscars with his own film awards

Kim Jong-il, the ‘dear leader’ of North Korea, has surprised Hollywood with his own film awards – a grand affair said to put the cash-strapped Oscars in the shade. The ceremony is understood to be taking place in a purpose-built gold head 50,000 miles in diameter, with each gong accompanied by a 5,000-strong orchestra specialising in the work of John Williams.

The current favourite for Best Picture is Revolutionary Road, which Mr Kim claimed ‘showed the American dream for the soulless fantasy that it is’ while The Dark Knight has controversially been nominated in the Best Documentary category. The dear leader remarked that the film illustrated the depths to which American society has sunk due to the corruption and lack of leadership that was present in any democracy. He claimed that the west’s belief that this film could be fiction was self-delusion of the highest order.

‘In North Korea’, he insisted, ‘vigilantes such as this manbat would not be tolerated. The state would squash him like a bug. There would be no mercy.’

According to Betfair.com, The Dark Knight is being run a close second by Tropic Thunder – seen by many in North Korea as a searing indictment of incompetent American military adventurism.

‘I am also liking the Sean Penn in Milk‘, continued Mr Kim. ‘His is a noble portrayal of a happy man full of love who is cut down in prime. The American society is very jealous of such people and destroys them without remorse.’

Footage from the awards ceremony can be seen on North Korean state television, with commentary from Mr Kim available on its premium cable offshoot, Jong-o-vision HD.