The British government announced plans to continue an initiative codenamed ‘Project Stalin’ in which the administration will slowly be purged of all those who do not agree with official policy. Professor David Nutt was the first to benefit from the glorious new strategy, and more have since followed.
‘We do not exist to encourage debate,’ announced the Home Secretary, before outlining plans to tape over the mouths of outspoken backbenchers so as to ‘streamline discussion’. ‘Project Stalin’ is said to incorporate a controversial final stage in which all Conservative MPs will be placed in camps to build national monuments in the run up to the General Election.
‘It’s very exciting,’ said an aide, speaking exclusively to News Hour. ‘This is the natural evolution of democracy.’ Liberal Democrat MPs, it emerged, will be allowed to participate fully in the election so as to ‘create the illusion of competition’.
Analysts at Carnwell House point out that this plan still leaves room for Conservative victory, but sources claim that Labour will be taking its cues from Afghan President Hamid Karzai, and will simply declare victory regardless of the result.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 