NEWS IN BRIEF: Vlad to Cullen – ‘Anytime, punk’

Dracula has claimed that he could ‘totally take’ teen vampire heartthrob Edward Cullen. ‘The guy’s a wuss,’ spat the long-toothed prince of darkness. ‘I used to eat Austro-Hungarians like him for breakfast.’ Speaking from his Transylvanian retreat and going on to brand Cullen ‘a skinny wimp’, Dracula demanded that the star of the Twilight movies meet him in person to settle their differences. ‘That’s how it’s gotta be. Mano-a-mano. The guy wants to step on my turf, he’s gonna play by my rules.’

Friends have attempted to explain to Dracula, full name Vlad the Impaler, that Mr Cullen is a fictional character but regret that, once the aged vampire gets an idea in his head, it is hard to shift. Said a pal: ‘He’s read the books, seen the movies – that’s it for him, there’s no arguing. He’s gonna take this guy out.’