Rebranding is the permanent rage, but several unusual examples have popped onto the radar, recently. Long regarded as a guilty and expensive pleasure, the hotel mini-bar has been the preserve of the fictional travelling salesman – slugging small amounts of spirits until the sun comes up and he emerges, unwashed and unrepentant, into the morning breeze. The night brought swift, catlike manoeuvres to swap weight for weight on the laser sensored bar, scenes of Indiana Jones ringing strong in his head; the day brings frantic calls to cancel credit cards, and he skips – he thinks – away, free of financial if not physical punishment for his terrible binge, with the memory of some half-suspected angry, rambling phone call tapping at the back of his skull.
But we digress.
The minibar is now a home of the healthy, sometimes featuring a ‘pretox’ drink, Alibi (the idea is to steel your system for future hells), in place of Red Bull – fruit and nuts will replace peanuts, fruit juice instead of Coke, etc etc. Having recently stayed in the salubrious Sofitel at London Gatwick, and witnessed the vast variety of goods on offer, we can certainly testify to the paradigm shift perceived by Caterer And Hotelkeeper magazine.
This trend toward healthiness is exemplified by the South Pacific island of Niue, home to 1,444 – which wants to go entirely smoke-free to cut the costs of treating the 17 per cent of islanders who smoke. That’s quite a selling point to spin an island retreat on, but the criminalisation of smoking in private homes is a tricky concept. Perhaps the island’s dwindling population could be supplemented by the establishment of a colony of puritanical ex-smokers – even the odd supervillain – devoted to setting up a centre to rid the world of smoking. Surely there are acres of PR spin to be had there, if only someone had the money to pay for it. Tourism is one of Niue’s three industries (the others being handicrafts and food processing, according to the CIA), so this would be the next logical step.
Both these developments have different slants when viewed through the prism of the credit crunch: healthy drinks are typically more expensive than sodas, but the mini-bar has a ‘Happy Hour’ when prices are 30 per cent off. Does a special light come on when it is happy hour? Is there a holographic barmaid? Smokers who wish the ultimate challenge could save money on cigarettes by holidaying in Niue should the law pass, although the cost of their trip may negate the saving.
By far the most unusual, unintentional (and, to be fair, probably non-existent) of these rebrandings, though, is the mention of Marks & Spencer as a possible location for the purchase of S&M gear during the case brought by Max Mosley, who is suing the News Of The World for its claim that he conducted a ‘sick Nazi orgy’. (The orgy is not disputed, it is the Nazi part that he refutes.) It is claimed that the clothes involved were ‘quite expensive jackets’ from M&S, whereas any Nazi gear would have come from the ‘joke shop’. M&S, which recently issued a profits warning, may benefit from the endorsement as a place for discerning S&M practitioners – credit crunch or no credit crunch.
Autograph stylists, take note.
To read an impression of life on Niue, head here.
To see images of life on the island, point yourself here.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 