Regarding what we were saying yesterday about the beauty of scale writ large, News Hour paid a visit to the potential new, mammoth-sized occupants for the fourth plinth in London’s Trafalgar Square, recently vacated by the controversial statue, Alison Lapper Pregnant (which had quite an unusual journey to its new home). Of the options on offer at least one had serious implications for the traffic which shuffles along nearby – Anish Kapoor’s five giant, concave mirrors are attached to the side of the plinth and, while fantastic, would surely be a nightmare on a fierce summer’s day, as light blinded oncoming traffic into scenes reminiscent of the roads in 28 Days Later.
In the spirit of larger than life, this would be our preferred choice: Yinka Shonibare’s HMS Victory in a giant bottle. Imagine that. Imagine if it broke…
Shonibare says about his creation: “For me it’s a celebration of London’s immense ethnic wealth, giving expression to and honouring the many cultures and ethnicities that are still breathing precious wind into the sails of the UK.”
Nonsense. He just wants to put a big ship in a big bottle, and who can blame him. Imagine the tug-o-war team heave-hoing the ship’s masts up to standing after it had been placed inside. Shonibare is not alone in coming up with a meandering justification for his art, though. Tracey Emin has this to say about putting some meerkat silhouettes up, a shocking waste of the space available:
“Whenever Britain is in crisis or, as a nation, is experiencing sadness and loss (for example, after Princess Diana’s funeral), the next programme on television is Meerkats United.”
Talk about talking off the top of your head. Antony Gormley’s idea to put people on top falls into a similar category, and is barely worth comment. It sounds like something he came up with over the phone, and it’s only a miracle he didn’t suggest a giant bronze version of himself – standing sentinel over the country’s creative horizons.
To reflect the spirit and reality of Trafalgar Square, we still can’t help but feel that a giant pigeon (measuring seven by five metres) would be the best choice, perhaps with light up eyes, and a cooing sound to mark the passing of the hours. If installed with an internal reconnaissance system, the statue could even double as a remote watch post for MI5. Seem silly? The lives of pigeons, like cats, are not to be underestimated.
Any and all suggestions welcome.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 