Icelanders ‘refuse to return Glenn Miller’

Premier claims to reflect will of the people

Outrage continued to build in the international community last night, as the Icelandic government hardened its position on the release of 40s Big Band sensation Glenn Miller. The swing star, who America has mourned since his disappearance in 1944, was recently revealed to be working in subterranean caverns beneath the surface of Iceland. For the past 65 years, Mr Miller has formed the heart of a musical chain gang fleshed out by Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Amelia Earhart. Sources suggest that the singers have spent many hours forcibly tutoring generations of Icelandic musicians, their chief success being the quirky songstress Bjork.

This stolen cadre of tonal talent has become dear to millions of Icelanders, and Prime Minister Huggy Ragnarsson says that to release them would be unacceptable. Ms Ragnarsson went on to claim that the group ‘have no memory of their previous home,’ a notion hotly dismssed by their descendants around the world.