Can of worms ‘explodes over President’

Reports from the White House suggest that a can of worms has exploded, leaving President Obama powerless and pinned to the floor.

‘He’s been doing so much recently,’ remarked one panicked aide. ‘The President simply didn’t believe the warning labels on the can. He thought that it would respond to a calm, reasoned approach.’

Reports suggest that the President approached the can with his customary, even-handed manner, patiently suggesting to protesting West Wing staffers that he would deal with the consequences of opening the can if and when they occurred. Further protests were stifled by the President’s single wagging finger, and even the commander-in-chief’s secret service bodyguard were powerless to act.

Analysts suggest that the worms, which have established colonies in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, will only be removed through months of determined bi-partisan negotiation. Some Democrats have suggested a radical treatment to deal with the problem, but independent observers claim such a move will poison Washington’s air supply for years to come, possibly until 2012.