Dr Warwick Michaels, professor of neuroscience at the University of Leicester, has become the first man to successfully connect his organs up to Twitter. Using a complex series of microscopic, wireless sensors, the professor’s organs inform his followers on the social networking site when he is eating, digesting and expelling waste materials. This project is the culmination of 18 months of intensive research and practical trials, in which Dr Michaels’ students have been closely involved.
Sensors in toilet bowls both at home and at work record the individual dimensions of the resulting stool, which are then plotted on axes of time versus size.
“This is a first,” remarked Dr Michaels, squatting in the gentlemen’s conveniences.
The sensor data is relayed through a software package that redeploys the stream of statistics into preset sentences. The resulting tweets record when the doctor breathes more quickly than usual, sweats, becomes sexually aroused or touches himself inappropriately in a public place.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 