Furniture Funhouse is gearing up for its ‘Final Countdown’ sale, after which it is thought that the world will come to an end, although experts are divided as to an exact timetable. When the sale begins, customers will enter the store to the strains of the chart-topping song by Europe, and will then have a matter of minutes to decide on their choice of cut-price sofa, while staff surround them with giant clocks – and large, specially trained rabbits loom in the corner, nurturing menacing stares. Such high pressure tactics are designed to get the maximum number of customer through the door in the least amount of time.
In the run-up to the big day, the management dictat that ‘prices cannot be repeated’ has meant the store’s publicity team are struggling to spread the word on sale specifics, and have been forced into generalities that demean both them and their profession.
“It’s horrible to say, but there will be people who meet the apocalypse without anything comfy to sit on, and that’s just an awful thought”, despaired one employee.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 