A rare beetle has reappeared in Britain after a near-50 year absence. The creature, sighted yesterday in a garden at the Chelsea Flower Show, is thought to originate from Liverpool, and can be recognised by its leathery skin, closely cropped fur, and the steady, 4/4 tapping of its stick-like forelimbs in summer.
The species, which migrated to Hamburg in a period known as ‘The Sixties’ – when its behaviour became demonstrably erratic – is thought to have reproduced many times, but has not been sighted in the wild for decades. Some in Liverpool have called for its return but, despite its use as a symbol by natives to promote the city’s stint as a home to culture, the beetle is thought to have out-evolved its habitat, and is unlikely to return. As a result, the natives have become actively hostile to its homecoming; sources claim that an effigy of the creature was decapitated in impotent rage at its absence.
Contacted last night for comment, a leading coleopterist claimed that the beetle was likely to prefer the luxurious living arrangements readily available to all winged insects in southern England.
“He’s likely to prefer the luxurious living arrangements readily available to all winged insects in southern England,” claimed Dr Herbert Moonwater, when giving exclusive comment to News Hour.
If spotted in the wild, please contact News Hour immediately. The creature is not thought to be dangerous, but has a recorded attraction to blonde hair and the steady strum of a rhythm guitar.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 