Peril from the east, planned from above

The Japanese have become the pariahs of the ecological community by littering the planet from space. The nation, famed for its samurai, plans an extraterrestrial launch of 100 paper planes as part of a long-term plot to submerge the western seaboard of the United States.

The Origami Council estimates that parts of California could be under water in as little as six years if its their plans are allowed to proceed unchecked. The paper, which has been specially treated by Tokyo boffins so as to resist attack, will be guided by homing beacon to its resting place in the Pacific – one of two rubbish colonies which also serve as breeding grounds for a new race of mutant, aquatic warriors, pledged to defend the home of the mighty sushi. Nautical acres of seabound hatcheries are said to be floating a mere 500 miles from Venice Beach.

Meanwhile, as Britons noted an increase in unidentified flying objects, a bellicose Japanese official remarked that aliens were ‘definitely’ out there, an admission which lead many to suspect that that the tricky outlanders had struck a secret pact with the green, bug-eyed menace.