Footballer ‘rides naked’ for sake of impoverished oiks

The footballer Ashley Cole is awaiting sentencing after riding his horse naked through Coventry city centre, in protest at an oppressive tax regime. The husband of X Factor judge Cheryl was spotted by revellers at 5.30am on Sunday December 27, as he marshalled the steed in a full-throated gallop several times around the city’s famous cathedral.

Mr Cole’s actions are said to stem from the proposed introduction of a tithe upon citizens to fund his wife’s wardrobe for future series of the X Factor – a show said by many disgruntled peasants to be the modern equivalent of the ducking stool – a move that has earned him the honour of a statue from grateful city fathers.

Slings and arrows for Matt Smith – why oh why?

Poor old (or young-ish) Matt Smith. The new, 26-year-old star of Doctor Who is facing the predictable sniping that the internet provides such an easy platform for. We, for one, hope he is ignoring it. Two recent examples of neoshock should provide him with ballast. Daniel Craig, once thought of as ‘too blond’ to be Bond, is now widely embraced as the finest example since Sean Connery (and viewed by some as the lone saving grace of Quantum Of Solace). Robert Pattinson, cast in vampiric teen flick Twilight – and reportedly passionate defender of Heath Ledger’s memory – was once reviled by the books’ legions of adolescent fans. The proof is always in the seeing, and even then it’s often subjective. After all, doesn’t a younger actor open up paths that an older Doctor simply couldn’t take, much as a female Doctor would? (Leaving aside the fact of the Gallifreyan’s actual age.)

So what about Lily Allen as the new companion? Well, look at the arc taken by Cheryl Cole since that rather nasty incident in the loos – although two youngsters might be one too far. Still, why not wait and see?