Obama faces new challenge

President Obama is facing a surprise mid-term electoral challenge from Apple’s iPad, with the device planning to contend congressional seats across all 50 states. The iPad, which has already hit the campaign trail, can communicate with voters 24 hours a day through its sleek touchscreen interface, and functions as its own support team. Using specially designed apps, the machine will email local action groups, take pictures of itself with babies, and recut footage from the day into professional campaign adverts that will automatically be uploaded to YouTube.

David Plouffe, the President’s recently re-recruited election strategist, is thought to be considering a negative campaign to ‘cut the bas****s off at the knees’, claiming them to be little more than ‘glorifed Kindles’ or ‘silly little televisions that you can’t watch football on and break all the time’. The President will address the nation tonight on the danger of ‘electing digital machines for an analogue world’ but it is thought that most Americans will now be feverishly pining for the seductive lines of Apple’s latest gadget.