It may not move as fast as light, but the effects of the recession certainly travel. Reports have reached News Hour that Saturn will be scaling back its rings in the coming months, as the pressures of maintaining their current number increase. Critics claim that this attitudes ‘reeks of short-termism’, pointing to long-term damage to the gas giant’s considerable tourism industry.
Tourists have expressed anger at the plans. Ryan Smith, of Lunar Base 1, exclaimed: ‘It’s crazy, I mean what do you go to Saturn for? The weather? It’s the rings, man, the rings. I’ve been going for years and now these mother****ers are going to wreck it for my kids? My three-year-old, he’s never gonna remember them how they were. It’s ******’ ****. Just really ****.’
Nearby Jupiter is also looking to scale back its moon-building programme, which has recently seen it edge past its gas giant competitor – with 63 to Saturn’s 61 – a move that has surprised many analysts, considering the income the planet receives from mining in the asteroid belt it shares rights to with Mars.
News hour, with Jerry Caesar 