‘Collective nouns for inanimate objects’

Odd words have been jumping out of the ether at the News Hour staff recently. The collective noun for satellites, for instance – the type that deal in information, rather than rocks in space – may be a ‘constellation’. Isn’t that rather nice? Dwell on it for a moment:

‘A constellation of satellites.’

This might be stretching the point slightly; the term comes from the arrangement of satellites (more than 20) that form the GPS network, a European rival to which (Galileo) is in development, and is due to go online in 2013. Assuming it does, will we then have two separate ‘constellations’ in orbit? Or will it be one?

Let’s apply this to the wild – if you were to see a herd of wildebeest ambling about the the plains, then spotted another group two kilometres to the side, doing their own thing, then that would be two herds, not one. Makes sense. Wikipedia defines a satellite constellation as ‘a group of electronic satellites working in concert’, which is surely the same as a herd of animals. Both have their structures and individual functions; each group of wildebeest does their own thing, roams their own territory. The only difference between a wildebeest and a satellite is the pieces used to bolt them together.

As such, the analogy holds firm – all hail the constellation of satellites. This is much more romantic than a network, a term that should be left as the collective noun for computers. ‘A network of Dells.’ There’s a campaign in this: ‘Collective Nouns For Inanimate Objects’. There’s no prize if you can think of an amusing acronym for our budding society.

On another note, the fever of focusing on just two candidates, one of whom is out of the country, is starting to tell on the CNN ‘best political team’. Faced with the future possibility of both candidates being in the room at the same time, Jessica Yellin introduced the world to the ‘megachurch’. Apparently one exists in California, presided over by pastor Rick Warren (the facilitator of said meeting). One imagines it must be the one-stop megamart of religion: all your celestial needs in one place; praying on a lazy susan, moving with ease from one religious text to the next – an all consuming, cover your bases, no-hell guarantee.

Imagine our surprise when a simple bit of research revealed that a megachurch is, by definition, a church with 2,000 or more attendants on a weekly service (here’s a list). The mind boggles. In its capitalised, separated form, the Mega Church is this. Where will it end? The ultrachurch, terrachurch, or gigachurch? Sky’s the limit…