Cowell mulls bid for ‘final frontier’ of entertainment

Sources close to Simon Cowell continue to stoke speculation that the entertainment mogul is considering a bid for the whole of space.

‘Simon thinks space is boring, and that we haven’t seen enough of what it can do yet. He believes that the talent is there but that it isn’t being utilised properly; people don’t understand how space connects to them on a daily basis, how it fits into their lives. Every planet needs a story, like every star on the X Factor – the nation needs to feel invested in the success of space and get excited about it again.’

Mr Cowell has been linked to a number of business projects since his much-publicised split with girlfriend Jane Seymour, and is believed to think he can easily outdo the efforts of bearded tycoon Richard Branson.

‘Branson’s just focusing on the small picture, but Simon thinks big. He wants to know what happens when we get into space. If people aren’t interested in it, then why should they buy an expensive ticket to travel there? It’s just common sense, and he believes Branson’s on a hiding to nothing.’

The comments come as Mr Cowell floated ideas to change how the public perceive politics and music, and have fuelled a rally in media stocks.

Sullying the final frontier

Is space the new international waters, the new playground for the planet’s more imaginative lawless citizens? Sadly not. It appears that killjoy legislators are moving to restrict the activities of Britons temporarily in leave of Earth’s atmosphere. Small wonder when it seems that the future of space travel is in the hands of cheeky chappy billonaire entrepreneur Richard Branson, who has his fingers in more pies than one would have thought possible. Mobiles, record labels, TV networks (even a new channel, launched with customary flair), health clubs, ,music retail (until recently), airlines Virgin Galactic. It is ironic that the presumed suspension of the open skies agreement (United States and Europe) in 2010 has caused Virgin to retreat from expanding from expanding its luxury transatlantic travel, but is full speed ahead with the extraterrestrial. Rather puts Earth in perspective.

The British National Space Centre is tasked with consulting on future space-based legislation, due to focus on criminal offences and dumping. One wonders how much attention will be paid to budding patrons of the 62-mile high club? The allure of carnal relations in a zero gravity environment (even if only for six minutes) will be impossible to resist for some of the planet’s more luridly disposed citizens. Surely legislation will have to anticipate luxury ‘sex ships’, with well heeled revellers enjoying themselves in much the same way as at a do organised by a pal of Kate Middleton’s, as was reported at the weekend. Given the lack of gravity, they may even be able to best the claimed ‘33 in a bed’ attained by that sexually liberated crowd. Time will tell. The march of stag and hen dos into space is surely less than half a century away, too. The final frontier will be sullied as humanity retches for the stars. Captain Kirk would surely not approve.