Bad smiles increasingly common in Hollywood, say analysts

Affirmative action in the US is producing impressive results, analysts claim. Variety reports that the number of white British immigrants on American TV has never been higher, with Gordon of Ramsay recently signing on for <a href="http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/ustv/a130097/gordon-ramsay-inks-deal-with-fox.html
“>two more years as Mr Murdoch’s indentured clown on Hell’s Kitchen USA. Mr Gordon will also troubleshoot the nation’s kitchens as a government condition of his deal with the Fox network, which he stamped with his angriest hand yesterday.

Sir Hugh Laurie continues to do great work as a disability spokesman on the medical mystery series House, in which he plays a man leaning on a stick, pretending to be American. Such is the belly-jiggling happiness of the beer-swilling masses, that they have given him a metal globe to represent his travels. Sir Laurie is said to be ‘most pleased’ with the glistening item.

Still, neither of them can touch the trousers of moustachioed supermigrant Simon de Cowell, whose gleeful denouncements of incompetence have kept America enthralled for two centuries. Some say these Britons are merely inheriting the mantle of A’Lan Rickm’n from the long-lost tower thriller Die Hard – but affirmative action groups claim these roles are resultive of intensive lobbying at Fox, which feeds and houses all three in replica thatched cottages.