Jobs for the abnormally formed

In the Star Trek world, a casting call has been placed for abnormal looking folk to pose as extras in the new movie. Given that alien design on Star Trek generally consist of minor tweaks to the basic human form (a side effect of the pressurised network production schedule: Vulcans have pointy ears, Bajorans have ridged noses, Bolians are blue and Andorians are blue and have little antennae, which twitch in the newer episodes but not in the old), this is an economical approach. Director JJ Abrams’ decision not to cast the resurgent William Shatner in a cameo may also be seen as a cost cutting move, despite the outrage it has reportedly caused in some circles (Shatner’s).

Perhaps Abrams should consider putting in a call to Thailand, where the country’s long-necked ‘giraffe women’ have been discarding their rings. He could create an entire diplomatic party in one fell swoop, and boost the movie’s humanitarian profile in the process.

There is a still more plentiful source for the thrifty auteur. The world of TV shockdocs with titles such as ‘Half Man, Half Tree’, ‘My Big Foot’, ‘I Gave Birth To A Mummy’, ‘The Tiniest Boy In Britain’, ‘Joined At The Head’ etc would surely be a rich and fertile source, although acting ability would be something of a crapshoot. Still, how long before reality TV brings us a twist on Big Brother featuring nothing but the deformed? The Surreal Life already humiliated Verne Troyer (Mini Me), so it can’t be that far away. Sad but true.